New Harpy, Bright and Shiny version

“If Eve doomed the human race because of an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?”

The question was posed during the writing of this report, giving me pause consider it. Not for what the First Woman would have done if such a thing as luscious ice cream and decadent smooth chocolate existed in her day, but what each of us, as Kindred, would do when presented with the item we wanted above all else.  The question, my dear readers, is more than idle speculation caused by comments within the Elysium.  

Given the events surrounding the gathering of May 13th, I found this question an apt theme for this report.  Take, for example, the continued threat to our beloved domain caused by the drug “Elite.”  Humans appear to be gobbling up this little treat like it was the above mentioned dessert.  I should hope, for the sake of all who shelter under the protection of our Prince, that none of the members of this domain have anything to do with that.  What I can tell you is this:  it’s incredibly potent, it does affect our kind, and a major distribution point is the club called Independent Bar or “I-Bar” downtown.  Careful when feeding from the rack, as one may find more than a tasty treat of late.  

And speaking of treats, tasty or otherwise, I believe it prudent to remind all members of the domain how amazing it is to keep one’s word.  It came to my ears that a young man calling himself Boris took it upon himself to engage the ghost called “Chloe” in a deal for souls, and proceed to not deliver on his end of the bargain.  Apparently Boris was so delinquent in abiding by the agreed-upon terms that Chloe arrived to take his soul instead!  Take notice, one and all, that the Finally Deceased have a rather harsh Collection Agency that cares little for Elysium rules, and trying to dodge them takes a hell of a lot more effort than ignoring phone calls.  Keep your bargains, my dears.  For the love of all, keep your bargains and your word.

Though, until the moment Chloe showed up with her otherworldly writ of repossession, Elysium was treated to a new installation of modern art by our Prince.  I almost believe Chloe arrived simply to view this new addition aptly named “Boris’s Bad Decision.”  Apparently, Boris wasn’t the clan of which he claimed to be (scandal!), and was found to be infiltrating (double scandal!) the Brujah!  Given that the Brujah Primogen wasn’t present to answer as to how he allowed such a thing to happen under his watch, we are left to wonder what consequences he may yet face–if any.  

I can tell you, darling readers, that this office is very curious as to what this Ravnos–yes, you read that correctly.  Boris was named as Ravnos–was after, and if he got it?  We hope, dearly hope, for the sake of our dark amusement, that he was after something utterly fascinating and this wasn’t a “Oh, I think I’ll try being Brujah today!”  That would be most disappointing, indeed.  

Prince Vitale made his thoughts on this situation rather clear when he ordered the staked body displayed for all to see “in perpetuity.”  I think the warning of “don’t let this be you” was made quite clear.  Still, I shall reiterate:  DON’T LET THIS BE YOU.  While I, personally, support the arts and the tradition of Elysium, I prefer to do my supporting by abiding by the rules and donating money/time to its upkeep.  I don’t relish being an actual part of the decor.  I don’t think the rest of you do, either.  That’s not how you end up with a Klondike Bar.  


Nor do you get a Klondike Bar by disrespecting any member of Orlando’s domain in good standing with the Tower.  To that point, I direct your collective attention to the case of “The Praxis of Orlando v. Beauregard ‘Ace’ Foxx, Harpy of Atlanta.”  What kind of big brass balls does it take to be complicit in the abduction and torture of one of our own, and then stride into our new Elysium under the guise of friendship?  Not big enough, let me assure you.  Everyone knows Prince Vitale has made his time at gatherings rather open to any who seek an audience.  Most are intelligent enough not to squander his time with idle chit chat or false promises of friendship.  I think you may have missed that memo, Mr. Foxx.

Shame on you for not rubbing those braincells together to make a spark of intelligence, yourself!  Double shame on you for also refusing the company of our Prince and Primogen council while awaiting the arrival of the Archon (who was presumably on her way to ascertain your guilt or innocence).  Heavy crimes were laid at your feet, sir Harpy, and your reaction?  You forced our council to stake you lest you run away.  And then you invited your friends to crash our party (how goche of you, by the way), to retrieve you.  

You fled.  You left.  You caused no end of vehicle collisions in the wake of your flight through our peaceful town.  Why, even gun battles–GUN BATTLES–in our streets, causing injury to the Malkavian Whip, no less!  


Is that how Atlanta shows its friendship to us?  Is this the actions of an innocent man?  That last part isn’t for me to decide, though I do delight in allowing your trial by public opinion to parade through our sacred halls nonetheless. By Royal Harpy Degree, you have been found guilty of poor manners.  No frozen desserts for you, sir.  None at all.

Pertaining to the statement of no desserts, I’m loathed and saddened to announce the loss of Elder Klaus Von Butzkof of the Malkavians. Likewise, it angers our souls to learn that such an event happened on Elysium!  On opening night, no less!  Some people just have no tact, nor sense of planning.  All that hard work creating a gathering place of peace and beauty positively wasted.

Prince Vitale has appointed his Seneschal, Santana Traffacante, to head up a special investigation of the murder of this beloved Elder Primogen.  Rumors continue to swirl around the incident, including those that point fingers in the direction of Elder Keeper Diego Cortez, Elder Goetzschlagg, and Zophiel of the Gangrel.  Considering the closed nature of this investigation, I’m only left with speculation to report.  

Gods bless speculation!  

Just how did Elder Von Botzkof end up swan diving out of a five story window?  How did all the darkness suddenly appear on the ground wherein the Elder met his end?  Why, oh why, did Ms. Zophiel attack Elder Von Botzkof in the first place?  Was it self-defense?  Was it premeditated?  Just why was Whip-now-Primogen Krazy screaming (more than usual, we might add) behind closed doors?  Why did Elder Primogen Daniel of the Gangrel leave that same room with an expression of pure rage on his handsome features?  Is it true that Ms. Zophiel was stripped of any and all status and standing within Elder Primogen Daniel’s power to strip?

That last part I can confirm, sadly.  Let it be known that if you are of the Clan Gangrel, and you cause such insult to the Tower as Ms. Zophiel is accused of, your Elder Primogen is going to do more than stare crossly at you.  I’d be on my best behavior, Clan Gangrel, were I you.  He doesn’t give out his Klondike bars to just anyone, and he’s proven he can take them away, too.

On the note of good behavior, we have it on good authority that there are werewolves south of our fine city in the Yeehaw Junction area.  Tread carefully if you go there.  It’s reported that the meeting of the Gangrel and the werewolves was tense at best, and at the very least all our people left with all limbs intact.  I’d call that amicable enough, honestly.  However one never knows when dealing with werewolves.  I’d suggest caution if your business takes you in that area.  Or perhaps entreating Elder Primogen Daniel for his tips in how to survive such a meeting.  He’s a marvelous conversationalist.  

The final chocolate ganache on our silky ice cream night is something I’m delighted to report.  I’m certain you’ve all read the newspapers lately, and have seen the progress on our beloved Orlando Opera House.  Thanks to the generous donations of many Kindred within the domain, construction has moved along at a staggering rate.  The Opera House will open to the public months and months ahead of schedule!  Prince Vitale, himself, has invested so much of his personal heart and soul into the building of this cultural magnet.  We’re humbled and honored by his generosity.  

No doubt our Opera House will become the Jewel of the Southeast, the center of all art and culture, for generations to come.  In fact, let us hold a contest to choose the perfect name for our Opera House!  Send any suggestions my way, please, and I’ll see if our Prince has a moment to choose from the offerings.  

I’d wish you all pleasant dreams until we speak again, however the current state of dreams in this domain is chancy at best.  I wonder who will dream the important dreams next, and where that path will lead us.  

Until next time, Hugs and Kisses


Harpy of Orlando